you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
