There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wannas sexs uuuuu
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize