if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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