My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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