so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
