So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
