My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
