Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
