the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
