dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
