Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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