so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
