I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
