Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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