Apparently you make a good broom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
