I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
