Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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