I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
