He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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