I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
wow bdsm is so cute
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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