Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
