so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
