Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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