Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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