I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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