I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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