omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
