You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
