Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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