It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
