Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
