New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
