well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
