Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.