Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.