Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment