I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n