Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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