Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
