This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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