if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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