I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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