States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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