This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
