Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
