i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize