So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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