He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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