Plan B is the new Plan A
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
