I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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