So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You don't make any sense
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