Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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