My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
this hospital has no fireball
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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