Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
