loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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