Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
