I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
