she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize