I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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