Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
