Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
