I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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