ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
