I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
operation harelip BJ is a go
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
