His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
