I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize